Today it all hit me hard. I went to the bathroom at work 6 times in an hour to cry and have panic attacks. I am so shocked you’re actually gone. This is the worst it’s ever been because this time I know I’ve lost you for good. I can’t believe it. All I want to do is call you and make it all better but I know it would only make things worse. I’d still get the same result but it’ll just push the healing process even farther away. I’m a pile of broken pieces and I have to put it all together by myself. I don’t know how. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this life without you. But I know its for the best and that’s the hardest part. How can it be better to have the love of your life forever removed from the equation? What I do know is that you’re better off without me and I never want to be the reason you cry ever again. I don’t know how I’m ever going to love again. It takes time but I just want this pain to go away. It’s overwhelming and frustrating because I don’t want to hurt I don’t want to think about you but in everything I do you’re there. I try and be angry with you and hate you but I can’t. I keep thinking about everything the good and bad and I can’t help but know you were the best thing to ever happen to me. My sister is happy it’s over and my brother is pissed while they hold me as I cry and haven’t seemed to be able to stop since work. My thoughts are everywhere but are consumed with you. I need to keep this going and I can’t break and call you. I fought for you even at the last second I fought with all my might but you gave up on me and us. I understand but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I hope you’re doing okay. I hope you’re taking it well. Know that I’ll never be over you and I’ll always love you. I will never ever regret anything that involved you in my life. Thank you for sticking by me for so many years. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t worth enough. Pray I find peace and can get over you quickly. Pray that I don’t feel like this for much longer. I’ll be praying the same for you. I love you. And I’m sorry.
